losing confidence

Hello! Good Afternoon. Well, a not so pleasant afternoon for me. But its okay. I was expecting this, okay? Gusto ko tuloy pagalitan ang sarili ko. Bakit ko ba kasi tinuloy pa iyon?

So Ares was "R". AGAIN. Ang tigas talaga ng ulo ni Ares. At ako rin. Sabi na kasi, papalitan ko plot niya. Pero pinagpatuloy ko pa rin iyong una kong nagawa. You see, naka-dalawa na siya, ha! Buti pa si Athena, kahit nakaka-ilang pa-revise, hindi naman siya, na-R. Well, option to revise lang. Eh si Ares. Tumataginting na "R" talaga! HAHAHAHA!

Gusto kong tumawa. Lagot na naman ako. Sabi na nga ba, sa characterization talaga ako namomroblema. Palagi na lang! Tsss. So I'm losing my confidence again. Ganito po ako kapag nare-returned-an ng manuscript. Lalo na at mukhang may problema rin sa characterization itong last manuscript ko. Si Cash. Haay, pangalawang trilogy ko pa naman iyon! Haay, Lord God. Good luck naman po sa akin.

Xx
Cady

Thoughts about "Let Me Stay With You"

I was bored---even if I need to study for our 2 remaining exams tomorrow---so I just decided to look sa  books ko in my room when I saw my "only one" copy of my 2nd book, Let Me Stay With You. Tinignan ko iyong book nang matagal bago ko siya basahin muli and napasabi na naman ako ng, "I regret writing this book,"

I'm expecting too much for this book. Actually, dati I always thought this would be my first book. Hindi ko kasi talaga in-expect na ma-approved ang story ni Rodney. For me, it was just a common one. I have a returned manuscript dati kasi na sinabihan ako na common daw ang plot. So I was okay, I am ready for a "returned" again. But it got approved, but Let Me Stay With You, didn't. It was first returned to me. Ito rin ang unang book na nagpa-critic ako sa mga friends ko kaya nalaman ko ang opinion nila bago ko pinasa. Tapos na-returned siya with 2 comments lang---nasabi ko na ito dati sa post ko rin dito---so pinag-isipan ko na i-revise siya and nang ni-revise ko siya, pina-revise siya sa akin naman at iyon nga, na-approved rin sa wakas. Sa mga nakabasa nito, siguro alam niyong may pagkamalalim ang story nito. Tragic, kumbaga. Kakaiba siya doon sa dalawa pang published novels ko and yeah, doon sa mga upcoming rin.

Then nang mabasa ito ng mga classmate ko noong na-publish na, palagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na hindi niya raw gusto ito. So okay, its fine for me. You can't please anybody naman `di ba? Pero may mga nagsasabi sa akin na mas gusto raw naman nila ito, kagaya noong Tita ko. Hindi niya raw kasi gusto iyong first novel ko tapos parang marami naman sa akin na nagsasabi na maganda raw iyon kumpara dito. So I was like, naguguluhan? So siguro nga, iba-iba lang talaga tayo ng taste.

Then back to my regret. Why I do have regret? Iyon ay dahil sa pinatay ko si Casey. Minsan, napapaisip rin ako, bakit ko nga ba siya pinatay? Puwede naman siyang hindi mamatay. Then naisip ko, sabagay, reality rin naman ito. May mga tao talaga na namamatay after surgeries. Napanood ko kasi iyon dati noong bata pa ako sa isang news na after a week or so, namatay sa surgery iyong inoperahan sa puso. So I researched about it. Tapos ginawa ko siyang twist kasi nga naman, parang hindi ka mag-e-expect ng ganoon `di ba? Para maiba naman. Siguro nga, sabi nila kailangan daw maging masaya ang reader sa pagbabasa, hindi mapaiyak, hindi ma-disappoint. Pero I'm looking at the reality side...

Nangyayari talaga na nawawalan tayo sa buhay, na may mga taong sobrang naging madrama ang buhay kagaya ni Marianne, at may mga lalaking nasasaktan rin dahil sa isang babae kagaya ni Caspian. People come and go. Hindi lahat ng nagpapasaya sa atin, hindi lahat ng mahalaga para sa atin at hindi lahat ng akala natin ay hindi natin kayang mabuhay ng wala siya sa piling natin ay palaging nandiyan.

xx

Cady

Annoyed with...*sighs*

Good evening! As I've been saying sa mga last posts ko, I'm currently writing Cash's story. And I feel like abandoning a manuscript again. Bakit? Kasi, hindi dahil kay Cash, kundi sa heroine niya.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I want to challenge myself. Gusto kong gumawa ng story na puro POV lang ng heroine. Well, hindi naman pala lahat POV ng heroine dito dahil sa prologue, POV ng hero. Pero iyon lang talaga. Parang gagawin ko kasing twist kung ano ba talaga ang feelings niya. Ganoon.

Then I was okay naman sa mga first parts... Hanggang napi-feel ko, grabe, parang nakakainis na itong si *insert heroines name*. May theme rin kasi itong kuwento ni Cash. Nabasa ko kasi dati, na dapat daw, makaka-relate ang mga readers sa heroine ng story ng isang nobela. So I said, siguro naman kahit papaano, may makaka-relate kay *insert heroines name* kasi nakaka-relate ako sa kanya. In denial kasi siya sa feelings niya. Ganoon iyong main problem ng story.

Pero syeeet, feeling ko, sobrang in denial na niya to the point ang sarap na niyang saksakin! Hahaha! And I was so scared with this novel. What if ma-returned siya? Sabi nila, hindi naman masamang magkaroon ng returned manuscript. Doon ka nga daw natuto. Ang sa akin lang, sawang-sawa na kasi ako sa returned! Hahaha~~ Napapaghalata `no? Then iyon nga, trilogy na naman ito. Pangalawa na ito. Bumibinggo na ako kapag na-returned na naman ito! Nyahehe!

So am I annoyed. Pero sige na nga, magte-take risks ako. Naalala ko, sinabi ko doon sa kuwento ni Ares, "Hindi takot mag-take ng risks ang mga businessmen". So sa sarili ko naman, I am a future businesswoman so why should I be afraid to? So please. pray again. for my sanity.

xx
Cady Lorenzana

An Impossible Dream

Hi. Good evening! ~~ Today is a happy day for me. Why? Because I got the chance to have a picture with my college schoolmate major major crush, James Torres. So let me tell you about him.

The day that I first met James, I instantly had a crush on him. He was walking in our cafeteria when my classmate told me about him. She said she already saw the guy and he was so cute. And because I'm a sucker of cute guys, I immediately feels so excited to see him. And boom! The excitement went to happiness when I first laid my eyes on his handsome face that I want to make a scene in the caf just because of him! I want to push backward my chair then when he will walk in the aisle so he'll gonna notice me because were going to bump to each other. But then, I am a shy type of girl, (Di lang masyadong halata, Hehe!) So I didn't. I dont have enough courage to do that too! Haha!

Then we found out details about him. We got to know his name, his course and where he lives at! We got to know to that he's a soccer player, a grandson of owner of the big manufacturing company in front of our school, and also a celebrity. He was in a musical teleserye of Sarah G in ABS-CBN, Idol. He is also a drummer. He was everything a girl wanted to have. Looks, charms, money and a good guy because he's not a snob. If you tell "Hi" to him, he will also say "Hi" to you and  wave at you. He's such a cutie. But because of this attitude, of course, there are many girls out there that do have a crush on him.

All of my classmates knew that I like James. Whenever I saw him, I will always tell them, Oh My God, my crush! And I always tell a joke to them that he is my boyfriend and everything. But that's just a joke, I know. Even if he was everything I like, I know that he's just an Impossible Dream.

I know I'm not pretty. I know I'm not smart. I'm not a celebrity. I'm not kind. He was like a star and I'm just a stone lying in the land. We are poles apart. I may say to my classmates, "Oh, He's my boyfriend" but I'm just saying that just to have fun. I don't take it seriously. Why would I take it seriously if I know we are different?

 I'm a romance writer but I don't believe that what is happening in my books happened in real life. I may write stories like that, but I know it will not happened to me. I just dream. Because in dreams, you are free. There is no conflict like jealousies and insecurities. You just have to think of a happily ever after and you got no problems with that. Oh, maybe there is one thing---and that is, it will not happened to reality. The reality where you are living, Baby.


xx
Cady