When the sign happened...

I am determined to be a teacher this year. Maraming reasons...gusto niyo bang malaman? He-he. Fine, I'll enumerate some.

1. I've done with my certificate of teaching proficiency course. Gusto kong matupad na `yung expectation sa akin ng mga tao.

2. I'd like to fulfill my dream to be a teacher...

3. I reached my goal as a writer. The prolific award is my sign to leave it (?)

4. I want a real job.

5. I want to grow up.

6. I want to inspire more people. Chos.

Actually, marami pang dahilan...personal reasons actually. But yeah, I might leave writing soon. At iyon nga ang dahilan ng post na ito. The sign...

So last Feb (I'm not so sure) nang magsimula ako na magpasa ng resume sa mga schools. Bale, 2 school lang sana ang trip ko na pagpasahan. Pero itong classmate ko na kasama ko, niyaya rin ako sa alma matter ko. Try lang naman so nagpasa rin ako...and err, ako na hindi ko naman sana bet na magturo sa alma matter ko pero ako ang siyang tinawagan sa halip na `yung classmate ko.

Okay naman. Initial interview na akalain mo nga naman ay nakapasa ako eh naka-T shirt lang ako nun! LOL. Akala ko kasi exam lang. Then tinawagan ako for demo teaching...nag-enjoy naman ako pero siyempre, I can't perfect it. It was my first time then! Pero grabeng paghahanda rin ang ginawa ko nun. The purpose is wag rin na mapahiya. I know my panel would be my former teachers. And they are nga. Nakakatuwa lang na `yung section kung saan ako nag-demo ay section ko rin noong fourth year ako.

I was happy that they invited me for final interview! So that just means that I've passed the demo teaching. `Kalain mo nga naman. Nagbunga ang paghihirap ko....

But another opportunity came....I was invited by my classmate and professor to do demo teaching and interview in public. Biglaan lang iyon. Saturday afternoon nang mangyari ang pangungulit. Monday na ang Demo at Interview. Walang problema sa Demo dahil `yun na rin naman na master Demo ko ang gagawin ko... (Though `di ko masasabi na natuwa ako sa demo ko. Medyo naasar ako sa students Grrr) but the interview. shet, feeling ko ginisa ako! Ayoko ng dumaan sa process na `yun so I wish na sana matanggap rin ako. Ha-ha! Alam ko naman kasi na hindi man sa ngayon pero sa hinaharap ay sa public rin ako babagsak. It's also a dream to serve the government. LOL. Plus the salary....and also the students in Public. Noong demo ko pa lang, nakaramdam na ako ng awa sa kanila. Sabi ko, kailangan nila ng magaling na teacher. Kailangan nila ako... (Shet napakabayani ng statement)

Pero `yun nga, torn ako sa kung ano ang dapat kong tanggapin. Bukas na ang final interview ko sa La Consolacion. Eh dba kapag final interview, madalas ay job offer na? So what if...ibigay na nila `yung job sa akin? Paano kung may chance pala ako sa public? Eh hindi pa alam ang date kung kailan ang ranking sa public.

So ito na nga iyong SIGN... Haha (Ang tagal ng before kuwento ano?) I said to myself na paghihintayin ko ang private kapag may dalawang approved MS ako bago mag-Wednesday. Pero nung Sabado, alam ko na nakuha ko na `yung sign na hinihingi ko. Paano, napa-revise `yung isa kong inaasahan na MS. Iyong isa, na-approved nung Monday...Pero ang nakakaloka....May unexpected ako na na-approve MS this Tuesday!!! So yeah, may dalawa akong approved MS...

Nabuo na `yung loob ko na papatusin ko na `yung private kapag nag-job offer eh. Pero nangyari `yung sign na hinihingi ko... Kaya Lord, ano po ba? If it's your will.. Lord, i-guide niyo ako sa nararapat. Nalito po ako bigla. Haay!

xx

Cady Lorenzana

What's right?

Okay, this shouldn't be the post that I'm going to make when I checked my blogger account and decided to make the post I have been thinking for two nights already. Pero dahil sa dalawang karanasan ko ngayong araw... I ended up writing this post.

Ano `yung dalawang experience na `yun?

1. I met with two of my highschool best friends today. Naalala ko pa last time na nagkita kami, around July yata, naglolokohan kami at sinasabing "unemployed" kaming lahat. Hahaha. At ngayon, one of them would have her flight tomorrow in Singapore kaya nagkaroon kami ng farewell meeting kumbaga.

It sad knowing that she would be away for us in two years. Although parang once a year na lang din naman kami nagkikita noong college, parang iba pa rin `yung feeling na sobrang layo niya na sa `yo na kapag weekends at gusto mo siyang yayain, di mo na siya mayaya. Pero while I was left alone because they need to leave na since its getting late at kailangan niya pang mag-ayos at magpaalam ng ayos sa pamilya niya this night at ako naman ay inaantay ang Kuya ko na susundo sa akin sa coffee shop kung saan kami nagkita-kita, napagtanto ko na... bakit parang napapag-iwanan na yata ako.

Okay---not really. My other best friend still doesn't have a job. Yet, magmamasteral siya next sem so she was already building her future. And what about me? I'm still in the path that I was enjoying but well, not really practical.

2. Nabasa ko lang naman ang blog ni MR and yay... we're just feeling the same way. http://someonelikeruth.blogspot.com/2014/08/college-graduate-blues.html Yan ang blogpost niya at lahat ng sinabi niya diyan, nararamdaman ko.


Alam mo `yung feeling na noong college ka, wala ka ng bukang bibig na sana maka-graduate na ako. But no! Pinagsisihan ko ang lahat ng ito nang magsimula nang mag-work ang mga classmate ko. Not that I am having trouble finding work because I think that work was having trouble to  pursue me. Hahaha! Can you believe? Minsan hindi ako nag-apply pero ang dami kong natatanggap na "for interview" messages and sometimes, I even received a call. Hindi lang basta-bastang company yung iba but they are all declined.

Fine---I'll admit na naghanap ako ng work when I graduated from college. Oh and I did my first real job interview the day before graduation. Actually, feeling ko, dito ko talaga na-realize na wag muna mag-work. Why? My first interview was from Toyota Alabang. At noon ko lang nalaman na kapag dealer pala, may Saturday work. Allergic ako sa Saturday stress kaya parang nanlumo ako noon na kahit tinawagan nila ako for a second interview, nag-decline ako. Napag-isip-isip ko ang future ko on my bus ride going home that time. Ewan ko ba, sobrang na-pressure yata ako ng time na `yun at naghanap ako ng work, naging determined mag-jobstreet and so on. Pero lahat ng na-receive kong for interviews, I declined after that. Dahil iniisip ko pa lang na magwowork ako regularly, naiiyak na ako.

So I decided to just rest and go on with my real plans---ang hindi muna mag regular work. I am writing and it seems good for me. Okay, matagal ang feedback at ibig sabihin lang ay matagal ang pera pero never akong nabobored ako sa ginagawa ko which most people are asking to me. Pero ano ba ang masasabi ko? I am happy with what I am doing. And can you believe? I have wrote 13 manuscripts since I started in May so in few months time, kapag na-approve ang ilan ko pang pending at to be submitted na MS---I'm going to have a salary raise. So money is not really a problem for me...

Pero... my course is really different with the job I have right now. Siguro nga ay may kinikita ako pero ano? Feeling ko, ang baba ng tingin sa akin ng mga tao. Ang akala nga yata ng iba ay nahihirapan akong makahanap since nasa bahay lang naman ako. Nakakainis nga rin na may nagsabi sa akin na "Sana `di ka na nag-college kung ganyan din lang naman ang work na babagsakan mo". Sinong hindi matutuwa noon `di ba? But I am enjoying what I am doing. I'm enjoying everything being a writer kahit na ba kailangang sobrang haba talaga ng patience mo. Hahahaha! But what I can do? I am also doing this para naman sa Mommy ko. Kapag nag-work ako, paniguradong mahihirapan na naman siya kasi wala na siyang mauutusan kapag wala na ako sa bahay.

Haay, ang hirap mag-decide. Kung estudyante na lang sana ako.... Hindi na mahirap maggawa ng excuses.

xx

Cady

Masakit pa rin pala.

So this post was about sadness again.

Today. I received the feedback of my last month submitted manuscript and unfortunately it was returned. Returned. After almost two years, ngayon na lang muli ako nagkaroon ng feedback na ganito. And what hurts the most, the book was under my latest trilogy. The last book actually.

Noong makita ko na may nag-email sa akin about doon, parang balewala na sa akin. I was expecting it though. Nang makita kong naka-attached siya, sa isip-isip ko, revised ito. That what happens on my 2nd book. Naka-document lang ang feedback. Kaunting revision lang `yun, actually. Then today... I didn't expected it. Hindi ko nga agad binasa yung pinaka-feedback dahil nasa isip ko nga, revision. Tinignan ko lang muna kung gaano kahaba and then...make it to the top. And saw it. </3

I am used to returned manuscripts when I was just starting. Marami akong na-returned na MS. Dati parang okay lang kasi sa isip-isip ko, it was a way to teach me for my mistakes. Tapos ngayon, na nasanay na akong hindi nagkakaroon, it felt like my whole world shattered. Dumami ang pangamba sa puso ko for my submitted manuscripts. Nag-doubt ako sa sarili ko kung kaya ko pa ba, kung itutuloy ko pa ba ang pagsusulat.

And I almost cry. Ang sakit lang. May option to revise naman which I really intend to do. Feeling ko kasi, naging marami lang ako pagkukulang sa pag-e-establish. Although yung iba doon, nailagay ko naman talaga. Siguro hindi nga lang siya gaanong na-establish kaya hindi kapani-paniwala. May pagka-action mystery kasi yung novel na yun. My first time to try though which the techie stuffs, na-inspired naman ako sa novel na Mata sa Dilim. Nag-enjoy rin ako sa pagsusulat kaya hindi puwedeng hindi ko siya babaguhin. (At tinatamad rin ako actually gumawa ng bago. Hehe)

(At naiiyak ulit ako ngayon) Haay. Madalas na talaga akong nagdududa sa writer self ko. Kapag nagpatuloy pa itong mga ganito, sign na. Sign na talaga na itigil ko ang pagsusulat at maghanap na ng trabaho.

Which I would just think....parang nabibiyak na agad ang puso ko.


xx

Cady Lorenzana

Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Demanding To HIM

Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Demanding To HIM

1. You are not his girlfriend.

2. Even though he was busy, still, he makes time for you. (Even if its just a few minutes of talk)

3. He always has a good reason when he cannot talk to you.

4. Sometimes he doesn't talk to you because he knew you are busy. He just left you for your own convenience. When you are busy, he won’t nag at you or demand to you like you always did to him. He wants you to do what you need to do.

5. On important occasions, he is always there for you. Every holiday, he will greet you. And do you remember every time your birthday comes? He will really try to catch you. On your first birthday with him, he have a city work and just to greet and talk to you, he left his work for a break and went to a computer shop to go online and talk to you even if it’s just a few minutes. Your last birthday, even if he is not sure that you will come online because you have class, he waited for you and even try to talk to you for a while.

6. He gave you a gift even if you don’t give him one in return.

7. He always tries to grant your request, even though he would spend a lot of money for it.

8. He always supports you on what you want and doesn’t even try to make you down like what most people always do to you. Remember when you failed on that exam and you are afraid of what he would say because the day before that exam, you were talking to him and telling him that you were lazy and do the things you weren’t supposed to do? You are afraid that he might get mad to you because of the result. Still, he doesn’t get mad at you. Instead, he said you can do better next time.

9. He doesn’t just care for you; he cares for your family, too. He asks how is your mom and your brother and even advices/give you treatment for them when they are sick.

10. When he was away, like when he is in Mumbai and doesn’t even have his PC and connection to mail you and have a whole week of work, he would come every rest day of him on a PC shop just to see and talk to you. And don’t forget the time that you were expecting him and he didn’t come at that time? He still went on the day on a computer shop and even if its already late, still, he told you his reasons and ask you to be with him the next day.

And return to reason number 1... 100 times until you get it.

xx

Cady

Beginnings....

Good evening! Here I am for the fourth and last post on this blog this month! Even if its just November 29 today, napagpasyahan ko na talagang ito ang last...pero siyempre for this month lang! He-he! Its just that I am busy and wala rin naman akong ma-post na something interesting kaya di na rin ako masyadong nagpo-post. Ikaw ba naman kasi, masyadong hina-haggard ng mga school works mo. 5 days kasi ang pasok ko ngayon sa school and every Saturday is really a hell day. Okay sana iyong mga weekdays, pero siyempre, maraming mga assignment na pinapagawa iyong mga pang-Saturday... Kaya un, parang wala din. >_<

Anyway, my post title is beginnings. Why? Its just about my writing experiences! And feel ko, non-sense post na naman ito. Well, may ibang post na may sense sa blog na ito? He-he!

I'm having dilemma's nowadays in writing my novel beginnings...Well, hindi ko ito problema dati. When I start writing a novel, hindi ako iyong tipo ng pagkatapos ng chapter 2, bura lahat ng chapter 2 dahil feeling mo ay ang boring and so on and so on. Pero ngayon... Yay! I am experiencing that! And shit, sobrang nakakainis!

Nagsimula ito nang isulat ko si Keith. Noong una, akala ko, dahil lang yun sa gusto kong maging maganda talaga siya dahil babasahin siya ng mga friends ko. Pero...si Stock! Ah-ah naman, pangatlong simula ko na naman ito! And super, nakakasakit ng ulo. :(

Stock is my 2nd book in my trilogy. And we are "stuck" to each other! Balik prologue na naman ako pero dapat talaga ay chapter 2 na ako. Para lang siyang si Keith! Naman, naman, naman! Sana naman, mawala ang sakit kong ito. So please... please... pray for my sanity again.


xx
Cady

Struggling...

Good evening. 2nd post for the day. Di masyadong busy, eh. Just want to tell you...that, uhmmm. I'm so nervous about Athena again. I texted my editor today and she said she will mail me the feedback on Monday.

I am really nervous. Having so much thoughts in my mind. Mga thoughts na: "Nabasa na niya kaya?" "Returned kaya?" "Sana kahit for revision man lang".

I think, ang story na niya yata ang pinaka-naging mahirap sa akin. Why? She was option to revise twice at last feedback is for major revision. Baka ngayon, returned na talaga. Pero nagkaka-motto talaga ako sa kanya ng "Try and try until you succeed." Kaya kung sakaling returned siya, I will do my best to get her an "A". Hindi ako susuko. Talaga!

Pero major-major good luck talaga. Sana maging mabait sa akin si Lord. Please. Please. kahit revision, mapapa-smile na ako.

Azec Chase ♥

:(

Matagal bago muli ako nakapag-post dito sa blog ko dahil nagka-issue about sa isa kong post dito. But I erased it na... Anyway, ayaw kong pag-usapan iyon. Pero kahit ganoon, sad pa rin ako. I've been suffering for problems this days...And I hate it.

I am writing a manuscript na plano ko sana, one week ko lang gagawin. Pero tapos na ang one week ay hindi ko pa rin tapos. Puwede kong idahilan ang HOLY WEEK kasi ayaw akong pagsulatin ni Mommy. Puwede naman daw un after na lang so sinunod ko ung advice niya. Bad thing, nawala iyong mood ko sa pagsusulat after holy week. Ang masama pa, nakita ko ung parang magiging problema sa manuscript ko.

Saklap lang kasi kanina nasa 18k na ako and I feel like I want to erase it all. But I didn't. Ang nangyari? Feeling ko kukulangin ako ng words. Haay, ang hirap talagang maging writer... Minsan nga, gusto ko ng umayaw. But still, passion ko ito. Kapag wala naman kasi akong ginagawa sa bahay, naiisip ko lagi ang MS word. Ung mga character and etc. etc... Haay, ang gulo ko...

Anyway, please pray for this one. Sana umayos at ma-approve. Good night!