Missing you

Its been more than a week since we last talk. And I missed you so badly. I don't know what's happening to you or even where are you. But I am hoping... you are fine.

Sometimes I want to hate myself because I want to be selfish. I want you to be here with me. To make you back to the old you. But I realized, who am I to tell you what I want? To tell you that prioritized me? I am just your friend. And you always told me that your study is more important anything else. By now.

If I had just the right... I always told that to myself. But I am thinking, if ever I have, would I tell you how I feel? Would I tell you what I really want? I know this is your dream and you are happy pursuing it especially that you are in a place you wanted to be the most. I should let you do this. This is for your future. I know I should be happy... and that's what I think I really should feel for you. I should just feel proud for you and stop nagging and feeling bad because of how you treated me these days. And I am doing that. No! I mean, I am trying to do that because everytime I think of you, I want to nag and tell these bad things that I feel for you. >_<

How many months since we were like this? We haven't talk for so long. Everytime I miss your "hi", I want to curse myself because its like I've been missing your "hi" for a month. Heck, I even sacrifice one of the things I want just to talk to you when you said we can talk on that day. I left the group because I want to talk to you. See? I prioritized and think of you more than that thing which is nearly a dream for me. That's how much I missed you.

I missed your hi. I missed your harhar. I missed your groggy voice whenever we are talking in Skype. I missed how you tell me to study well, take care of my mom, take care of myself and everything. I even missed how you want me to be like you. I missed everything we share together. And I missed the feeling you are giving me even if we are miles apart.

I missed you. I wish that you were here.

xx
Cady