Writing is not as easy as what you think... And its the same from HIM. There are nights that you just want to give up because it doesn't seems right. And loving him is like that. Being with him doesn't seems right....
But I love it...
You can't demand in writing and so am I to HIM. In writing, patience is a virtue. You have to cope-up with your editors. I just can't say that I need the feedback now because I need money now. You have to bear in mind that they have other manuscripts to handle and so to HIM. I can't demand to him because I am not only his priorities. He have other works and he has his family, too.
But I love it...
Writing seems not the practical path. As I have said, I can't demand from it. If there's no approved manuscript, you don't have money. And its really hard to support myself if I don't have. Especially that I want to have monthly subscription of something *eherm* secret for now after I graduate. What if I write and its returned? I won't have money. I can't subscribe to that thing. And loving him, its not practical... He is from the other side of the world. We are different beliefs, different culture... How can I be with him?
But I love it...
Writing makes me always wait... and so is HIM. And yes, waiting is not my attitude.
But I love it...
And now, I am losing my drive in writing. And no, its not that I am losing my love from him... Its just that, I have this moment that I feel like I am giving him up because I am hurt. I am not his priority and it breaks my heart like writing now... I am losing it because of some I don't know and can't admit reasons...
It really feels sad feeling this way but... my mind feels like giving up.
Okay, lets talk all about writing now... I feel like giving up because I can't finish a novel anymore. Its been my dilemma since October and... uggh! What is wrong with me? I don't know if its because I am trying to have a new genre in writing or is it because I am really losing it... I can't decide. Plus the pressure that people bring to me.. I have plans after graduation but feels like I can't fulfill it because of what is happening on me right now. I know, I need to decide soon....
But...
I don't want to accept the fact that I am losing it because I love it... It breaks my heart thinking that someday, time will come that I have to let it go and choose the practical path.
I love writing but I need to choose... and knowing me as a practical person... I'm torn between.
xx
Cady
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