Revising...

I have a for revision manuscript for weeks now...but I am not working on it. I don't know if I'm just busy or I really don't have the heart to revise it.

I don't feel bad about the comments but its just...I don't know how will I do it. Everytime I will get back with the comments, I feel so lazy to do it... Its more on the establish part but yet.... uggghhh!! Or maybe, I forget what I have to do. I know, I have something in my mind then. But I forgot it. That frustrates me and ruins my mood to revise... I want to do it yet, there's some force that tell me I don't want...

I hope that idea in my mind then will be back. Errrrrrr.... This is the problem when you didn't put writing first. When you didn't put the idea you have... You forgot all of it. And in the end, gets frustrated.

I feel so old....

xx

Cady

I want to write.

I want to write...but there is so many hindrances by now... Studying feels like a very big responsibility right now... I want to graduate on time....but I also want to do this. But I know, with this little time and this pressure rising up, I can't.

The hobby can wait. But this sem can't. The hope of people around me, (most especially for my family) can't wait. I need to be better... I need to put first what is really important for a student like me... I need to graduate... I need to face my responsibility as a teenager and as a child.

I just hope we'll have a better schedule so I can have time. And I won't be bother that much.

Please Lord. Just my revision and this manuscript I am really itching to write since last week....

Time. Knowledge. Strength. I need you.

xx

Cady

Just as I thought.

How much is the chance that two different person would be together? Like living in a world with a "happy ever after?"

I thought because I've become a writer, I adopt those some common personality of them to be cynical in love. I thought that being in love is just for fools and so on... I thought I lost it all after all those heartbreaks I have in the past... But no... I still believe in love.

How many times did I put those words in my novels about fairy tales doesn't exist in the real world? I thought I am mature enough to stop believing in those freaking stories. But heck, I still believe in it. I still believe in an unrealistic story... Because I am a fool to believe that there can be a chance on us... Even if we live in different worlds, I am a fool of believing that we could end up being together. I even imagine how it would be like.... How would a future be with you even if I am feeling how complicated it would be. On what hardships can we experience just to fight for all of it. Just like your parents did?

But no... Maybe there is really a fairy tale that comes with a happy never after ending. Or maybe because this is really not a fairy tale. My name is a princess but my personality is far away from that. And you're a frog...not the guy in a knight in shining armor...

I should stop thinking of you. I should stop thinking of that future. Because it would be just a world full of complications... I should stop telling all of this.

I should stop being with you...I should stop loving you.

If its just too easy to be done.

xx

Cady saying thank you for her bestfriend, for waking her up....

Somebody That I Used To Know

Do I have the right to tell you to choose us? That is your happiness. They are your happiness. I can't just deprived you of all those things.

I can't bring the past so maybe, I'll just write it all here...

We Miss you.

I miss you. So much. But I know... I can't turn back time. I can't turn back all the things it was used to be...


With Love,

Buding

Madaling sabihin. Mahirap gawin.

For two weeks, I'm actually having a problem. Dapat matagal ko na itong iba-blogpost dahil ang tagal na rin nito sa dibdib ko. But I want to avoid putting my negative feelings in my blog. Lalo na `yung naisip ko last time na iba-blog post ko. If I did that, kung may makakabasa man, alam kong maawa sila sa lagay ko. I don't want that to happen. I don't want pity on others. Pero dahil medyo um-okay ang mga sitwasyon, `di na kasama dito ang isa pang nararamdaman ko. All about this blogpost would be just for...HIM.

May mga na-blogpost na ako about kay HIM. Marami-rami na rin. He was someone special. Siya `yung feeling lovelife ko. Charot! Seriously, siya ang tinuturing ko na tunay na lovelife. Marami kasi talaga akong imaginary lovelife. Si HIM... Seryoso siya. Hindi ko masasabing boyfriend ko siya pero he was someone special. I knew he feels the same way, too, for me. I feel. Kaya lang...komplikado ang mga bagay para sa amin.

He had been with me for almost 2 years. We never met personally but still, he had this special place in my heart. Nakakatawa `no? But he was always there for me... THEN. Kaya siguro nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. The way he treats me, I really feel so special. Pero dati `yun. Hindi ko ma-explain na ngayon.

There's a lot of problems between us this days. Or should I say on his part. I am always free. I always give time with him. Iyon ay dahil nga sa nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Pero palagi na lang akong naghihintay. Palagi na lang ako ang kailangang umawa. Palaging ako na lang ang maging pasenyosa.

Nakakapagod rin. Nakakasakit rin.

May mga taong nagsasabi sa akin na i-let go ko na daw ang lahat. Nasasaktan na daw kasi ako, eh.

Madaling sabihin. Mahirap gawin.

I have this classmate na palagi kong sinasabihan na... "ang tanga-tanga mo!" as in... malapit ko nang sabihin `yun sa kanya nang harapan. Kasi naman... She had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years. Nagli-live-in na nga sila noong guy. Pero sabi nila, niloloko daw ni guy si girl. Si girl naman, ilang beses nang nakipag-break sa kanya si guy, ayon at binabalikan pa rin. Niloloko na nga siya, patuloy pa rin si girl. Ayaw niyang i-let go si guy. Inis na inis na ako sa kanya talaga. Lahat kaming magkaklase naiinis na sa relasyon nila ni guy. Nakita ko na si guy personally dahil isinama siya ni girl sa dinner sa school last december. Okay lang naman itsura ni guy. Medyo jeje type nga lang. Hindi ko matanggap na hindi niya kayang i-let go si guy. I think she deserves someone else. `Yung hindi siya sasaktan. Marami pang lalaki diyan.

Pero ganyan naman tayo palagi.

Na-realize ko na mali pala ang ginagawa ko. Na sana inintindi ko `yung classmate ko. Na-realize ko dahil sa experience na ito na kapag nagmahal ka, kahit niloloko slash sinasaktan ka na nang mahal mo, kapag minahal mo talaga, mahirap mag-let go. I'm not saying na niloloko ako ni HIM. Pero sa mga nangyayari ngayon...nasasaktan na ako. Nasasaktan ako na wala siya sa mga times na kailangan ko siya. Nasasaktan ako dahil wala siyang time sa akin. Masakit para sa akin na sinabihan niya ako na hindi ako ang priority niya. Pinilit kong intindihin iyon dahil nandiyan pa rin naman siya palagi sa tabi ko...NOON. Kahit may studies siya, nagbibigay siya ng time sa akin. Pero ngayon, feeling ko...wala na. Palagi niyang sasabihin, see you later. Pero hindi siya darating. At ako? Naghihintay ako. Kahit alam kong kailangan kong gumising nang maaga bukas, nagpupuyat ako para hintayin siya. Pero siya? Pakiramdam ko, hindi niya ako sinisingit man lang. Ah, there were times he did. Pero hindi napapantayan ang effort na ginagawa ko.

Ilang beses na akong umiyak nang dahil sa kanya. Kahit sa mga naging boyfriend ko noon, hindi ako umiyak nang ganito. Parang kaunti nga lang ang iniluha ko sa kanila.  But with HIM...kailangan ko pa talaga ng tissue para pahirin ang luha ko. Ilang beses na akong naghihintay. Para lang akong timang na nakatingin sa button na iyon kung kailan siya iilaw ng kulay green. Palagi na lamang siyang wala. Palaging ako na lang dapat ang umunawa.

Para sa future niyo `yun, natatawa ako kapag binubulungan ako ng inner self ko about that. Wow, ang lakas ng imagination ko! Hahaha! I know how important his studies to him. Pero paano naman ako? Napapagod rin ako. Tao ako. At may nararamdaman ako kaysa sa mga studies na `yan. Sana naman unahin mo rin ako kahit minsan... Sana...

Dahil hindi kita kayang i-let go. Masyado kitang mahal para gawin `yun...


xx

Cady

6th book - Can't Help Falling In Love

One year na simula nang isulat ko ang novel na ito. Pero dahil two times na pina-revise sa akin ito, 10 months pa lang naman siya sa "to be release" ko. Hehe! CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE is a sequel of my 3rd book---I'LL STAY IN LOVE WITH YOU. Kung natatandaan niyo pa po, si Athena ay si "Tita Ganda" ni Artemis. Kapatid siya ni Venus. ^_^

Can’t Help Falling In Love

By Cady Lorenzana

“Iyong mga imperfection mo ang minahal ko dahil hindi mo tinangkang itago sa akin kung ano ka. With you, I can’t help falling.”

Matagal nang pangarap ng romance writer na si Athena ang makapagbakasyon sa Amanpulo. Kaya nang magkaroon siya ng pagkakataon na makapunta roon nang wala ni singkong gagastusin, complete with accommodation, sinamantala niya iyon. Everything was perfect except for one thing: may makakasama siyang hindi lang antipatiko, mukha pang galit sa mundo—si Carlo. 

Okay na sana dahil guwapo ito, pero unang engkuwentro pa lang nila, kinunsumi na siya nito nang bonggang-bongga. And to make matters worse, ka-share pa niya ito sa villa na tutuluyan niya. 

Isang araw ay kinailangan niya ang tulong nito at hindi naman siya tinanggihan nito. At nang magkasakit siya, inalagaan at binantayan siya nito. Dahil doon, unti-unting lumambot ang puso niya rito. She started seeing him in a different light. Kaya mula sa pagiging nuisance, naging hero material ito sa nobelang isinusulat niya. Dumating pa nga sa puntong lihim na niyang hinihiling na ito na ang hinihintay niyang “the one.” Pero suntok sa buwan yata ang hiling niya dahil nalaman niya na hindi pa rin ito nakaka-get over sa alaala ng namayapang kasintahan nito…

XX FACTS AND TRIVIA'S PORTION:

x The novel is the result of my addiction to Jessica Hart. I really love her "The Princess Swap Series" to the point na nag-bestfriend swap naman ako sa novel na ito. :P

x Nabanggit sa akin ni Kathy `yung about sa resort na Amanpulo. Marami raw na dumadayo na artista roon---hollywood actors/actress. So i was intrigued and view the website. Nang makita ko, gusto ko na rin maging artista! Hehe! Its so breathtaking kaya `yan..kahit sa nobela dinala ko ang sarili ko. :P

x Hindi ito ang pinakauna kong plot kay Athena. The first one has an option to revise feedback. Ni-revise ko naman pero dahil ganoon pa rin `yung feedback---okay, I quit! Hahaha! This one, naka-2 revisions naman! Whew! Mahirap pero motto ko nga ang try and try until you die and when you die at least you try.

x The hero's name shouldn't be Carlo. Nakalimutan ko na `yung original name nung una niyang ka-partner sa sobrang tagal ko nang nagawa ang librong ito. Pero binago ko dahil sa kilig ko lang naman kay Carlo Romero! Hehehe!

x Most side characters here, kinuha ko ang names sa Princess And I na teleserye. Mikaela, Bianca and Kalel---(from Khalil) Nanonood kasi ako ng Princess and I habang nag-iisip ako ng pangalan. HAHAHAHA!

xx

Cady