I really don't understand.

According to wikipedia, Understanding is a psychological process related to an abstract or physical object, such as a person, situation, or message whereby one is able to think about it and use concepts to deal adequately with that object. Understanding is a relation between the knower and an object of understanding. Understanding implies abilities and dispositions with respect to an object of knowledge sufficient to support intelligent behavior.

But really, how do we understand each other? The thing of you understanding someone, even if you knew there's a way that he could do something to be like that.

He told me he needed to be serious this time because he'll going for masters. Hard studies and everything. I know that it we'll be really hard. But I just 'know'. Its hard to 'understand'. He told me, things between us last year will not be like for this year. He said he will not be able to chat me like before.

We have a very honest relationship. He told me everything. He was frank to me. I like him for that. I try to be very honest, too, with him. But sometimes, I can't. Just like last Friday when he told me that. I said I understand, but deep inside me. I really don't understand.


I can say that I'm also busy. I'm a full-time student and I need to manage my time between the procrastination around me, my studies, the novels that I intend to write and my hobbies. Time is very important to me. But I managed to talk to him. To have more time with him. I managed time with everything.

I know, I shouldn't have write this post. Why? I don't have the right to him. He's not even mine. We're just friends but sometimes, I feel that he was my ........ I don't want to assume but that's what I feel. Even if most of the times, when my friends will tell me he is my boyfriend, I correct them, "No, he's just my best friend." Because I think that's what he thinks of me. But... uggh! I don't have the right to tell him that I'm jealous with your studies because I shouldn't be jealous for all of things around him because I am just his friend. I clearly knew that studies are very important. He even pointed that out to me, that he's studies is more important thab "me"...but...errr... maybe because we have a very different personality. My studies are important but I think everything around me is also important.

My feelings and thoughts are so complicated. Maybe because we also have a complicated relationship.


xx
Cady